“I used to break a thoroughbred. （我曾经驯服过一匹纯血马。）”
“… Before the accident? （……在你没有失去双腿之前？）”
雨天的晌午是六月的尖沙咀。雨雾绢纱般摇曳，聚股成流，在巨大的落地窗上绘出江河湖海。宽敞明亮的心理咨询室里弥漫着清新的玉兰花的香气，窗边一排白色的矮柜上高高低低地摆满了长势可喜的绿植，星际种子一样的单人高压氧仓还半开着舱门，陈靛半躺在旁边一架看起来十分柔软舒适的扶手沙发上半阖着眼，扶手旁坐着一位正专心聆听的年轻女心理医师。
“……”，陈靛听出了她在联想另外一个角度，于是道：”… before the accident. Before—I lost my memories. （……在我没有失去双腿以前——在失忆之前。）”
心理医师低下头将所听到的内容记录在笔记本上。她在伦敦的老师是陈靛的专属心理医师，陈靛因为在失忆截肢之后一直被诊断为患有回避型创伤后应激障碍，后期化疗时又确诊过重度抑郁并伴有严重的睡眠障碍，随着病情恢复和药物辅助，近段时间他的抑郁症状明显好转，只是睡眠状况依然难以改善，尤其在生活不规律、气候环境变化大的影响下，他几乎不可能维持正常且充足的睡眠，因而他每隔两到三周会进行一次心理咨询和治疗，并辅以高压氧仓进行短时高效睡眠来帮助他提升睡眠质量。
由于陈靛这一次在香港停留时间较长，老师联系到她并委托她为陈靛在香港提供一次压氧睡眠治疗，嘱咐她陈靛近段时间几乎每一次睡眠都伴有碎片化记忆的梦境浮现，经同陈靛商议，他同意每次睡眠结束醒来通过心理医师将复苏的回忆记录下来作为诊疗材料的一部分用于病理分析，而她受老师之托来执行这次陈靛睡眠后的梦境记录。
“His name was Hugh. I tamed him, and then set him loose. （他叫Hugh。我驯服了他，然后放了他。）”
“He was such a thousand-pound muscular buster, standing approximately 20 hands. Totally black. He got dark and wet eyes, the liberty to bound over the corral fence as the avatar from another world. I spent the whole month getting him to know me, letting him sniff, tickle, and nibble my hands. I rubbed the smooth leather across his broad chest, moving steadily but without hurry. One day, I hoisted myself delicately into the saddle from his side. He suddenly pondered rearing, descending into violence, notwithstanding our profound familiarity with one another—whereas proximity does not mean harness, does it? （那是一只一千磅的肌肉俊美的庞然大物，大概二十手那么高，通体黑色，有一双黑亮的眼睛和飞越蓄栏如入无人之境的自由身姿，我花了一个月让它熟悉我，闻我、挠我、舔舐我的手，而我慢慢去抚摸他胸膛上光滑的皮毛。然后，我才敢从他身侧爬上他的背。他起初十分抗拒，即便我们是那么熟悉彼此，但即便是亲近也并不意味着驾驭不是么？）
“It was until a gloomy evening, I felt utterly worn out by him. Still he was full of go, bucked as a berserker, hit me into the dirt in a sprawling posture, with my foot caught in the stirrup. He neighed and reared, frenziedly smashed his hooves to my face—I barely escaped death under this beast’s tramples. However, when I dragged my exhausted body back to the pasture next day, I broke him. He was trapped. In whatever reason he had accepted my claim to ride him, to his being ridden. He fairly could kick me into death here, while the successor would come and break him in next day. If not today, it would be one day in the future. He’d been trapped… （直到一个暮色消沉的傍晚，我被他折腾得筋疲力尽，他依然精力充沛的弓背跃起将我摔进泥中嘶鸣着抬起前腿险些踢踏到我脸上……我几乎死在他的蹄子下面。但是第二天当我拖着疲惫不堪的身体回到马场上，我却将他驯服了。他被困住了，无论他以什么样的理由接受这种困住他的生活——今天踢死了我明天也会有人来驯他，今天不被驯服第二天也要被驯服……他被困住了……）
“Honestly, I could not remember precisely why I did that. I set him free. On the mountain far away behind Peddrio Manor, the breathtaking contour of the ridge crossed over the fence. Took off the saddle and halter, I saw him galloped through the corral in the gray haze of dusk, over the ridge, disappeared from my sight. （到底是为什么我不大记得了，但我放了他。在佩德里奥庄园的后山上，越过蓄栏，那是一条十分美丽的山脊，卸下马鞍和缰绳，他翻过山脊，消失在我的视线里。）
“I was confined for this for two days in the wine cellar underground. I was not allowed to get any food except for water. The third day, I was taken out, starving to death. I was given some bread and meat soup. After I gobbled them down, my grandfather was there, told me I just ate up Hugh—the soup, stewed by Hugh’s body. He caught him, killed him, and stewed him into soup for me to eat.（我为此被关了两天的禁闭，在地下的酒窖里，除了水，我不被允许得到任何食物。第三天我被放了出来，饿的头晕目眩，我被给了一些面包和一碗肉汤，当我狼吞虎咽完面前的食物，爷爷出现了，他告诉我——我喝掉了Hugh的肉炖的肉汤——他逮到了那匹叛逆的黑马并宰了他炖成了肉汤给我喝。）”
港岛的潮气伴随淅沥的雨声潜伏在苍茫的碎梦里，隐逸于只言片语中的岑寂。
陈靛看到那个女心理医师听到最后脸色一白，抬手一捂嘴，几乎要吐出来。
“I had forgot it for a long time. At times, I felt an inexplicable episode of sickness while not knowing why. It felt like something supposed to be in my memories, but I cannot concentrate on recalling even its outline… （有很长一段时间我忘记了这件事。我有时会感到一阵莫名的恶心，但我搞不清是因为什么，我感觉应该是记忆中的什么东西但我甚至无法集中精力去回忆它的甚至是形状……）”
深蓝色的虹膜带动中央纯黑的瞳孔在狭长的眼皮下矫捷转过，陈靛看到女心理医师捏紧笔头的指尖一阵阵发白、笔尖迟迟无法落在空洞的纸面上。
“Pause?（暂停？）”
笔尖轻颤，在白纸上留下孱弱的心绪。年轻的心理医师下意识把痕迹盖在手掌下，抬起头凝视陈靛，握笔的手挽了一下额角的碎发，微笑道：“Don’t mind. I’m professional.（别介意。我是专业的。）”
陈靛没动，甚至不曾抬一下眼皮或弯一下嘴角，他只是那样半阖着眼盯着医师，然后说：“May I?（我想停一下呢？）”
心理医师一怔，旋即意识到是陈靛自己要暂停，于是赶紧道：“Oh, okay. Excuse me.”她麻利地收起笔和本，拾起桌上的录音笔，站起身。她本着良好的职业素养微笑着对陈靛道：“I’ll leave you alone here. Let me know if you feel better.（那您一个人在这边休息，如果感觉舒服一点了可以再叫我。）”
“Appreciate it.（感谢。）”陈靛淡笑，随即不再看过来，阖上了双眼。
心理医师阖门退出了诊室。
阴雨潺潺，倦意袭来，陈靛再次陷入了沉睡。
梦里梦外的芍药暖香在梦醒时分交相重叠，这世间万千美好莫过于此。陈靛在半梦半醒间就手找到了鬓边摩挲的柔荑，无比眷恋地紧紧握在手心里，眼睫颤动睁开睡眼迷离，大梦方醒。
映入眼帘的是她葱白秀气的指尖，小巧而柔软的手掌散发着温暖的香气。陈靛托住那手，依恋地把一只眼睛连带着这一侧的脸颊缠绵地埋进她的手心——那是华胥一梦中都不曾敢去肖想的再世成全。
“花钱买觉睡就算了，还把医生也赶出去，这诊室可是人家的地界儿。”
身边的心理医师变成了梦境中魂牵梦萦的身影，和梦中那个十五岁的她一样，穿着一件白色没有袖子的连衣裙，只是款式更简约而面料更清贵了。她坐在医师的椅子上，俯身凑过来轻抚他的面庞，一条修长的胳膊支在沙发靠背上，清丽的小脸融化在背后窗外阴雨天的墨迹之中，美得仿佛从千山万水的沧海丹青中拂尘而来。
陈靛痴看，勾着她的五指垂眸嗅吻，哑声支吾：“她需要暂停休息一下。”
生华垂睑，似笑非笑：“什么时候你也学会怜香惜玉了?”
陈靛无动于衷：“我不喜欢打过折的服务。”
“Hmmm——”生华哼笑，贴得更近，顺着他的手用食指去梳理他浓黑的眉毛，半晌，歪着头嗫嚅，“本来看你难得睡得香，是想让你再睡会儿来着……”
陈靛闭了一下眼，寻味。
“奈何……”生华面露无奈，食指俏皮地点点他的眉心，却正色道：“我是来和你请假的。”
紧接着陈靛单人咨询的是生华和他一起进行的亲密关系咨询。
生华本